the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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