thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
