but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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