I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
