Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
