i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
