Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
