A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
