Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
