Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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