Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
