I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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