Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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