I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
