whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
