and she was petting her beer can
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
