Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
