I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Too much gin, very little bucket
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
