whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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