I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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