The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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