i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
