I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize