one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
NoShamevember. You game?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
