laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
