i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
