Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
