I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
