oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
