I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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