What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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