They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
