idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
