took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
