im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
