I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
