I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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