Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
