FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
