: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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