trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
