Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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