I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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