So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
