You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
