Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
