She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
