a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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