My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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