hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize