You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
