i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
