I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
