Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
