I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
