I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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