Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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