Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
