Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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