i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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