I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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