i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
