i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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